Gurasis: 0:03

I want to talk to you about two of your books. One was Bushy Head obviously in 2021, I believe you put it out. I wanted to tell our listeners more about that, and I also saw this video where I believe it was your daughter who donated her hair as well. So tell me all about it, whatever you can share with our listeners.

Peta-Gaye: 0:22

Bushy Head is one of my favorite children's books that I've written because it came out of first of all having a daughter with very curly hair and so many people tried to tell me to tame it.

Peta-Gaye: 0:38

I had people telling me to straighten it, Even people from my own community saying that I should comb it properly, but there was just such beauty in seeing this free little toddler running around with this mass of curls and I never wanted her to feel, as I did when I was young, that something was wrong with her hair, Because when I was young, my hair was straightened, it was set on rollers. There was no freedom in that, couldn't go swimming because you know, my mom would say, well, I just did your hair. Straight hair was obviously the more desired hair to have. As you know, all these things have come out of colonialism. Have come out of colonialism.

Peta-Gaye: 1:30

I did not want that for my daughter, so I knew that one day I was going to write a book, but again the story was not fully formed. But when my niece in the United States and when my niece in Canada and my daughter were all teased at school for having this kind of hair.

Peta-Gaye: 1:46

They were all told they couldn't be princesses on the playground because princesses didn't have curly hair. I knew right there and then that this was going to be a book, but when two of them donated their hair to make human hair wigs, for children who did not have hair.

Peta-Gaye: 2:04

I thought the character in Bushy Head is definitely going to do the same. So that's where the whole thing came out of you know, embracing the hair that you have on your head and just putting it out there into the world that you can't change your hair. It does not say anything about your professionalism or who you are as a person, and I think these core beliefs need to be given to children. The younger the better.

Peta-Gaye: 2:37

You know it's so much better to have that self-worth when you're young than trying to unlearn all the negative messages that you've got from childhood when you're older. So this was the purpose of Bushyhead.

Gurasis: 2:50

One of the reviews I read, and the person said that hey, Peter Gay, I ordered a copy of the children's book Bushyhead and read it. What a lovely little gem. It must become compulsory reading in every elementary school. Become compulsory reading in every elementary school. Very good illustrations too. When you see that, when you hear that, how do you feel about?

Peta-Gaye: 3:12

that I feel good and I wish every library would also feel the same way and order. It feels good. It feels good, I feel like like I'm doing my part, I have a value and it feels like I'm doing something about showing the world, because a lot of people don't think of this If you don't have curly hair how would you?

Peta-Gaye: 3:38

know what it's like. You know, I remember going into a hospital and because this is not just about black or mixed women Anyway, I'm in the elevator and I hear a little tiny voice saying why doesn't my hair look like yours? You know, yours is so pretty. And I look down and it's this little girl. She's white with curly hair, and I couldn't believe that she was even thinking that her hair wasn't beautiful. And I looked down and I said your hair is beautiful just the way it is, and that is the message of Bushy.

Peta-Gaye: 4:16

Head. You know, you are beautiful just the way you are.

Gurasis: 4:19

Absolutely 100%, you know. I'll put the link to that in the show notes as well. So before we get into the, you know the final segments. I want to talk very briefly about the Toldia stories as well. I heard on the Nikki Clark show that they were telling about the reason why you called it Toldia. I want to tell our listeners also why it is called that.

Peta-Gaye: 4:40

Is this the awful story of?

Gurasis: 4:45

It is that one that you told yeah about your father's friend. Yeah.

Peta-Gaye: 4:50

Okay, so I have fictionalized a few of my father's stories. They were absolutely fascinating. You know, when you come from a small island, people become characters. And there was this one man who basically decided that he was going to, you know, stop eating. And he died in his house. And my father went to the door and one of the young ladies who was a friend of this man wanted to see the person and my father said do not go in, he does not look the same, you don't want to see this. And she said I have to see, I have to see. So of course the body had decomposed for a few days and when she was like, told you. So this book is not to be politically correct and again, it is at a certain point in time.

Peta-Gaye: 5:54

It took me eight years to revamp this manuscript. It had been redone, re-edited so many times and I'm very proud of it because I think it represents the immigrant journey of Jamaicans to Canada as well as Jamaicans living in Jamaica, of a certain age in a certain time. I really tried to get the voices in this book right. You know the characters, I listened to people, I made notes. I'm so excited about it. But it's not light, happy reading. Let's just say it can be quite dark in the stories. One of them happens right here in Canada, in Brampton, about a white woman who hits down a young black boy and the whole racial thing and how she comes to terms with it or try to. So I think I just got to keep going. I'm very proud of this piece of work but admittedly it's very hard to start again, knowing the amount of effort that that took.

Peta-Gaye: 7:11

Absolutely yeah just to bring that into existence took a lot.

Gurasis: 7:17

Absolutely Like you just said. Wow, like eight years it took you. You know, I think, like I remember I was listening that you said that it was a collection of all the stories throughout your life you have heard and I love the something that you said, which is basically the life of an immigrant immigrant is you know? You said that the characters in the stories are flawed, politically incorrect. You know they are navigating life and shocked at the experiences that befall them, and that's exactly what a general human's life is. You know dark, light, everything that comes and goes in your life and you learn to kind of like live around it.

Peta-Gaye: 7:50

Basically, yes yes, and try to make sense of it all. A hundred percent.

Gurasis: 7:56

Yeah, perfect, I love this. I would let the listeners read more about it and I'll put the links to that in the show notes as well. Would let the listeners read more about it and I'll put the links to that in the show notes as well. So, peter, in my second season of the podcast, I've added this new segment it's called Know your Host where I give my guests an opportunity to ask me any question they might have.

Peta-Gaye: 8:20

My question is what was your best experience about coming to Canada?

Gurasis: 8:30

Wow, that's a loaded question, you know Best experience, it's so hard to choose one. So I'll tell you the best experience I had this year. I got the opportunity to be on the podcast for Red FM and I actually went to the studio in Brampton. Amazing host, you know, her name is Manmeet and she runs the show called Samundra Par. I was there. It was in Punjabi For the first time. I mean, I couldn't even imagine that.

Gurasis: 9:03

Yes, a lot of Punjabi speakers are there in Canada, but being able to, you know, having this opportunity to go on this certain podcast where I'm giving an interview in Punjabi, and that too, live interview which is going live in GTA for that one hour or so, that was a magical experience for me and I think it's probably the highlight of my year 2024.

Gurasis: 9:30

And on top of that, I feel like the reason that particular interview was so special for me, because Manmeet the host, she was so invested in my story, she was so curious about my journey and my thick accent, because I did tell people about my thick accent as well.

Gurasis: 9:48

You know the podcast, the stories I bring on, the season one, season two, everything I told people about it, and being able to have this platform where I feel comfortable and being able to share about my journey and about the work I'm doing. It was just amazing and I think she really created an amazing space for me and I really, really enjoyed being on that podcast and I think I really touched upon some sections of my immigrant journey on that podcast which I never shared in my life with anybody not even my parents, to be honest with you but I shared there on the podcast and the cherry on the cake was that it was in Punjabi, which I really, really enjoyed. There's something about you know, expressing yourself in our own language which is unexplainable in any other language. So, yeah, definitely that was the best moment for 2024.

Peta-Gaye: 10:36

Yeah, gosh, I was just about to ask a second question. Do you feel different expressing yourself in Punjabi than in English? I do right.

Gurasis: 10:44

Because that's what the language I've been speaking growing up and I think it happens in terms of praying also, right, like, for example, that I have forged relationship with God or higher power, whatever people believe in. I have forged relationship by speaking in Punjabi right After coming here. I have got exposed to different religions, languages, cultures, right, and I understand where they are coming from also and I embrace it also, like I really like talking to people, their cultures, their religions, learn about it and I respect that, but there's no way I can forget the way of communicating with god in my language. Right, that's different, that's something which is very personal to me, no matter how many languages I learn, but punjabi has always been my language of expression and communicating, you know, with the higher power. So, yeah, definitely, um, it's, it's different, totally different, different in Punjabi.

Peta-Gaye: 11:45

That's so good to know. Talking with someone else from a different culture really opens our eyes, our minds, our hearts. Absolutely so important Okay.

Gurasis: 11:58

Thank you for the questions Very unique questions and I love them, thanks. So now it's my turn. I am going into the final segment of the podcast. I call it Beneath the Accent because we are knowing each other beneath the accent. I'm going to ask a couple of questions. You can answer them in one word, or a sentence or howsoever you feel like. The idea is just to know more about Peter Gay. Okay, so ready. Okay, ready. What advice would you give to your younger self, and at what age?

Peta-Gaye: 12:27

I replay this all the time. I don't know where I would intervene. Sometimes I think I would intervene in my teenage years. But no, I really do want a time machine because I would go back to that moment when I am four years old and I'm first learning the word divorce or I'm learning, I'm starting to pick up on negative cues around me and I would say to that four-year-old I love you, you're going to have a great life, don't worry so much, you're going to be okay. I would hug my four-year-old self and I would say promise me that you believe in yourself and all that you can do, no matter what anyone tells you. Anyone tells you, no matter what you're called. Just believe in yourself and follow your dreams. That's what I would say. My intervention would come early.

Gurasis: 13:44

Wow, very, very powerful. I love that, okay. Second, describe a moment when you experienced a significant cultural difference that surprised you.

Peta-Gaye: 13:47

There have been so many, but the one that I remember that's at the forefront of my mind right now is the whole thing of using Mr and Mrs and a last name. When I came to Canada in 2002, when I came to Canada in 2002, even though I had lived here before I went into my workplace and first official job and I called my boss Mr and his last name and everyone just sort of you know tittered and I thought to myself well, I'm being respectful.

Peta-Gaye: 14:25

Yeah, you know but I realized it wasn't done. I'm being respectful, yeah, you know, but I realized it wasn't done and that was. That was a really odd cultural difference for me. But you know, the same thing happened when I went back to Jamaica this past summer, 2024, with my daughter. She was confused about what to call people, because in canada she calls my friends by their first names. Yeah, in jamaica they said oh hello, I am auntie. May not be related by blood exactly, yeah and she would look at me all confused.

Peta-Gaye: 15:03

Do I? Do I call her auntie so and so? And I would? I just, yes, you know, different place, different culture. Yeah, a very small, small. Do I call her? Auntie, so-and-so, and. I would. I just said yes.

Gurasis: 15:11

You know, different place, different culture, yeah, very small, small nuances. Like also we call sir or madam back in India to our professors, but here they call by the first name. You know, and it was a little awkward for me initially, but okay, now I've got a hang of it. Yeah.

Peta-Gaye: 15:25

I remember walking Sherway Gardens with my dad who had come from canada and I do believe it was a young man who was punjabi or maybe somewhere else in india, and he called my father, uncle, and my dad would not understand that and I said I grabbed him and I said, dad, he just showed you a sign of respect yeah, oh, my god, this reminds me another story.

Gurasis: 15:52

I was uh, sharing, uh, this apartment with somebody and this I told him my landlord used to live on the basement and we were on this first floor and we were there and I told him old uncle is calling you regarding something. He said uncle, which uncle? And I said the landlord. He said why are you calling him uncle? He's not your uncle. I said, oh, okay, because it comes naturally to me. We call older people uncle or aunt, you know yes, yeah, oh, that's funny.

Peta-Gaye: 16:21

Why are you calling him uncle?

Gurasis: 16:27

tell me about this one dish from your home country, Peter Gay, that always brings you comfort and nostalgia.

Peta-Gaye: 16:34

Oh, apart from a nice big juicy mango. Okay, I do love. I do love ackee and codfish. And the reason why? Well, first of all, it's Jamaica's national dish. But I love it because aki, which originally came from West Africa, as far as I remember, grows on a tree. But the pod has to open. If you force it open, it's poisonous and could make you very sick.

Peta-Gaye: 17:04

So, you know, the pod opens, you pick out the yellow fleshy thing and you cook it. You have to cook it and it's cooked with codfish. And it's so funny because this was introduced to feed the slaves. Really, yes, they wanted a cheap meal to feed the slaves, so they would cook ackee with cod from Canada. So the countries, we are all linked in this world. When we think that we have, you know, one country has nothing to do with another. It's so untrue. We're just all linked in some way Nova Scotia, newfoundland, and it has gone on to become the national dish of Jamaica and, you know, seasoned very well, of course, with onion and other things. I'm not a great cook, but eating ackee and codfish makes me, it reminds me of my grandmother.

Peta-Gaye: 18:05

It reminds me of when I lived in the States, going home to visit her and her, making ackee and me saying I don't want to eat that because it wasn't American food, and then slowly getting used to it and realizing my grandmother is an amazing cook.

Gurasis: 18:26

And aki and codfish, it's just everything, love home it means home, it means family yeah, that brings nostalgia and comfort, right, of course. I'm just curious, like what kind of food do you guys make at home right now, you know, since it's a mixture of multiple cultures in the house, so how is that like?

Peta-Gaye: 18:45

well, let me start by saying that we are not very traditional with our roles. My husband is a much better cook than I am. He's from Jamaica and he does most of the meal planning. So him loving cooking, I'm very spoiled. I'm very spoiled Very. My kids and I were just very spoiled, and it ranges from Jamaican to Italian to basically everything. Very lucky to have someone else do this for me because, to be honest, not my thing.

Speaker 3: 19:21

If I could, I would eat out every single day, just to not have to cook.

Peta-Gaye: 19:24

I would eat out every single day, just to not have to cook, all right. But, we have everything. You know. We do Mexican, we do Jamaican, we do Indian, we do Indian.

Gurasis: 19:36

Yes, we do. Next time, you know, you are here in Montreal, I'll cook for you, for sure.

Peta-Gaye: 19:41

Oh, thank you. Okay, I'll be there next weekend.

Gurasis: 19:45

Awesome. Tell me about a favorite cultural festival or a celebration in Canada, and how do you celebrate it.

Peta-Gaye: 20:12

My favorite. Okay, here's the thing. I love crowds, sometimes, not all the time. My husband doesn't, so we do not partake in so many as before. I do love caravana. I love caravana for the music, for the food, for the costumes. Actually, I don't think it's called caravana anymore. I am definitely dating myself. That's what it was called when I first came to Canada. It's now called something else the Caribbean Cultural Festival. I've heard. Caribbean yeah.

Peta-Gaye: 20:32

Yes, that is one of my favorites, but I also love other cultural festivals that sometimes I just happen to come across. There's a Latin festival where there's a lot of salsa dancing in toronto. Yeah, I think I'm drawn to color dance, music and food. So wherever those are all combined, I love that, and it doesn't really matter which festival, I just think I think it's just a great opportunity to experience something different.

Gurasis: 21:09

Color dance food. That sounds like an Indian wedding to me.

Peta-Gaye: 21:15

Love Indian weddings. I went to one last year. It was fantastic.

Gurasis: 21:19

Oh, that's awesome. Okay, tell me about the first friend that you made in Canada, and are you still in touch with them?

Peta-Gaye: 21:27

Yes, okay, I am going way back, way back to 13th grade when this Canadian she was Black, is Black came up to me and she was excited that someone like me different because I lived in Burlington At the time. There was not a lot of diversity in Burlington, so she was, I think, my first friend and we lost touch for many, many years. Now she organizes a lot of cultural festivals in Burlington and she said that she I said something to her so long ago that had always upset her. I didn't even know that I said it, but she told me. We were all young at the time.

Peta-Gaye: 22:22

She told me that she was pregnant and my first response was why? And she said I always thought about that and wondered why you said that. And I said again if I could just make that time machine and go back in time, I would be hugged you, I would have told you congratulations and that everything is going to work out. I would not have responded that way. But I think I said why? Because I just could not imagine being so young, having children and not having looked after myself or pursuing my dreams. She had gotten pregnant and she wasn't married yet and it would prove to be a very long journey, but she has proved to be amazing, resilient, an incredible mother and, although we don't see each other very much, at least we have instagram and whatsapp to keep in touch. But that was. That was my first friend and also a good lesson in not just saying whatever comes out of your mouth absolutely.

Gurasis: 23:41

Wow, I love that story. Do you have any funny stories related to your accent or english? Or maybe like a certain word that you mispronounced or some mishap, anything around it?

Peta-Gaye: 23:56

you know what? I have issues with the word comfortable versus comfortable. Okay, I would love someone to tell me why is it that everyone else says comfortable and in North America it's comfortable? I think this word has changed over time, but the reason why I'm bringing it up is because I also do some English examining and I've been told that comfortable is incorrect. But I cannot feel that this word is incorrect Because so many people Indian, jamaican, caribbean say comfortable. Now to say comfortable, comfortable, I have to practice it.

Peta-Gaye: 24:52

But what's a funny story? It's not so funny in that when my daughters came here they were little girls and they had these strong Jamaican accents they said they quickly learned that people would just hear the accent and not try to understand. That was their first lesson at age six and three. So they purposely tried to speak like a Canadian and it worked, except for some words that were just so stubborn. And they say Mom, to this day we still get, you know, laughed at, not laughed at, but friends just making fun with them. You know they're like. I just got laughed at again for saying mascara and I said what's wrong with mascara? That's? You know that's the word. No, it's mascara, and I'm like okay.

Peta-Gaye: 25:50

Yeah, so certain words have been stubborn, still in their vocabulary. You know, you learn what you learn.

Gurasis: 25:56

Absolutely. There are so many words that you know I think I still kind of like say the same way, for some reason, the word you know, shower, like it's shower. I always say shower, I'm going to go take a shower, and I don't think that comes from the word power and par, you know, and that's kind of like stays in my mind and I always say when I say like okay, I'm going to take a shower, and my friends will be like why, what is shower? I'm like okay, shower you. That always happens, yeah.

Peta-Gaye: 26:34

Yeah, and you know, if you went to the deep South in America, they would speak completely differently than we do, and it's really just a matter of getting your ear tuned to that new sound, but it's not easy.

Gurasis: 26:42

Yeah, absolutely yeah. So I have another question that is this something that you ate for the first time in Canada?

Peta-Gaye: 26:50

Would be pierogies. I don't even know what it is. Pierogies, I believe is. I think it's from Ukraine or Poland. Okay, and when I had pierogies for the first time. You know, for me this is not Caribbean food, but there's just something about a dumpling kind of food that is just so hard to resist. So I tried to make pierogies, not from scratch, just the frozen. Didn't work out as well. My children can do it a lot better and it's actually so delicious. It's something so different from my culture. But yeah, I'm making myself hungry right now just thinking about it.

Gurasis: 27:42

But that was something that I'd never heard of before I left Jamaica to come here. Okay, okay, interesting, I might try it sometime. Tell me if you could describe yourself as any creature, animal, bird, anything what would it be and why?

Peta-Gaye: 27:56

A dolphin? Okay, definitely a dolphin, because I love the water so much. I always want to be in the water. I don't want to be far from water. I wish my life was just spent on a boat or in a house by the sea, frolicking. I know that is totally ridiculous. We need to work. We need to be productive. Yes, I am ambitious, but I do love my fun time. And a dolphin, you know? You see it just jumping up out of the water and down frolicking. It's with friends. Yeah, um, they're traveling in groups. Uh, they're in the sea where I really just want to be all the time. Yeah, definitely. What about you?

Gurasis: 28:46

me, um, could be any creature, I think definitely a bird, you know, more of like an eagle. I would say uh, because I just want to fly high and be open and and kind of be up in the air, and it'd be also. It's also the, the board, which one of our uh gurus actually had, and that kind of like symbolizes that only the strength, the power, the sharpness and and kind of the uh, the go for it mentality that it has. So I think, definitely, I think I would be an eagle, yeah.

Peta-Gaye: 29:25

I love that Soaring above everything.

Gurasis: 29:29

Absolutely. And if you could create this one law that everybody has to follow, what would it be?

Peta-Gaye: 29:36

Everyone has to be respectful to each other. Everyone has to be kind. Kindness would become the culture, and I know that sounds strange because it's not really a law, but I think that's really important to me. If we're going with an actual law, I would have to go with a traffic law. You know what really bugs me, karasi? What really bugs me is the fact that pedestrians are walking while cars are turning. I don't think this should ever happen. I think that all cars should stop. People can wait another minute and all pedestrians go.

Peta-Gaye: 30:15

I saw this done in New Zealand. It was the best thing I've ever seen. I still call it the New Zealand crossing. You can cross across the road, you can cross to the other side, you can go right through the middle, which I love. All cars stop. This is the safest way.

Peta-Gaye: 30:32

They tried it in Toronto some years back. People didn't like it and my first thought was you didn't like it because you weren't being open to something new that was safer and better for everyone. Again, just as the way people are, we don't like change. We don't like to open our minds sometimes to things that are new, and I thought that this was a moment where we went so wrong in downtown Toronto. We went so wrong here. I would have insisted we need to try this not just for a month or a year, we need to try this for a while, maybe five years. By the end of that five years, everyone would be doing it New Zealand style. Nobody would get hit. Pedestrians would not get hit by vehicles who are rushing trying to turn right. This would be the law, and I think it's so important. Yeah.

Gurasis: 31:34

I like that, yeah, and if you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Peta-Gaye: 31:39

To fly or be invisible. I just can't choose one, I think, because if I could fly, I would fly to the Caribbean or anywhere tropical in the winter, and if I were invisible I would jump on a plane.

Gurasis: 31:57

So the goal is just to go to Caribbean or just go to a warmer place. That's your goal.

Peta-Gaye: 32:07

I really like the sunshine. I am so different in the sunshine, I'm so different in the heat. I love it so much. But you know, I really think I already do have a superpower, and it doesn't always work well for me, because my superpower is being able to think big, big picture, big picture with the world, with history. Less of a superpower is focusing on details, but being able to focus on the big picture makes me able to think. Things like this is a cycle. It may feel bad in the moment. Let's say child-rearing. This is a cycle. Everyone has gone through this. I did, my children will. When they are parents, it's that superpower to say, well, let me not be nitpicky now that this is happening because this is just part of a big picture yeah, same thing if I'm at work and I'm having a rough day.

Peta-Gaye: 33:15

What is the big picture? The big picture is to support newcomers, right? Yeah so I can focus and say, okay, I have to do this uncomfortable thing to um to add to the big picture. And I think that is a superpower, when you're able to look beyond the little frustrations in life, not get caught up in them and cause arguments, but to see that there is a bigger picture, absolutely.

Gurasis: 33:42

Yeah, we all have those good and bad days, but it's just a bad day, not a bad life, you know, right, right. So, finally, Peter Gay, how would you describe Canada in one word or a sentence?

Peta-Gaye: 33:55

Oh my gosh, you've asked me the hardest question and I think the reason why is a lot of people come to Canada and they just easily accept it as home. But with my personality, I'm always analyzing and searching and looking in other pastures. You know how they say the grass is greener. I am forever looking in many other pastures, so it's very hard. I almost feel attached to nowhere I see. But if I could, describe Canada, I would say safe. Safe Canada represents safety to me and I hope it always stays that way.

Peta-Gaye: 34:44

Yeah hopefully, you know, safe to express myself, safe from political violence, safe from crime, safe in terms of you know you can be who you are, you can express your gender, you can express yourself as a person of color, absolutely, um, yeah, I love that about canada. Yeah, I feel so safe I love.

Gurasis: 35:18

That definitely defines canada. Yeah, and if you could leave me peter gave with one piece of advice, what would it be?

Peta-Gaye: 35:25

keep on inspiring the world with what you're doing. What you're doing is so amazing. I'm so glad that I was introduced to your podcast. I am. You know I'm now your fan. Don't give up on those hard days.

Gurasis: 35:42

Thank you. Thank you for our kind words.

Peta-Gaye: 35:45

Because there will always be people listening who might be going through a really hard day, and what you have to share will help them to know that they are not alone. A hundred percent.

Gurasis: 35:56

Yeah, thank you for saying that, and how would you describe your experience being on this podcast today?

Peta-Gaye: 36:02

Awesome, absolutely awesome. I was nervous I'm not usually nervous about speaking out, but I was a little nervous to share things about my life and you made me feel so comfortable.

Gurasis: 36:18

I love that you mean comfortable. Yeah, I got it, I meant comfortable.

Peta-Gaye: 36:25

I love that.

Gurasis: 36:26

Thank you. Thank you so much, peter, I really enjoyed this and thank you, thank you so much, peter. Gay really enjoyed this and thank you for being on the podcast and adding value to my listeners and really, really had a good conversation. Thank you, thank you. They really hold a deeper meaning for us, right and when they are not appreciated sorry about that.

Peta-Gaye: 36:47

That's a light that goes off automatically.

Gurasis: 36:54

Best experience. It's so hard to choose one.

Peta-Gaye: 36:59

Okay, from my single friends are you married? What?

Gurasis: 37:06

No, I'm not married. No, I'm not.

Peta-Gaye: 37:08

That's good to know. Okay, best experience.